Christmases Past, Present, and Future
by Kristen APA
Summary: Christmas has changed so much for John and Anna over the years.
1. Chapter 1: 1912-1915

**Chapter 1: 1912-1915**

 **A/N:** So I had first started this fic in 2012, before I ever decided to publish DA fic online. I had wanted to write a fic about Christmas 1918, but then was inspired by other fics to write about all the Christmases and then some. In some cases, I also included the servants' ball that following January. I had written the sections out of order for the most part, which is why some years are more fleshed out than others, and some are more vignette style. I started to dust this off and retool it last year, but then I didn't have time, and then my Secret Santa RealForUs did a similar approach (it is a popular theme!), be sure to check her fic out! Mine does still seem a little clunky at times (I clearly hadn't quite honed in my skills writing these characters yet, and I didn't have much time to edit them further and I've decided to no longer stress over it). This revamp of course now includes the later years, and I've chosen to divide it into chapters.

Disclaimer: I don't own _Downton Abbey_.

* * *

 **1912**

The staff of Downton Abbey began their trek upstairs that Christmas morning. Anna Smith hung back and waited for Mr Bates, who she knew would want to be last in order not to slow anyone down. "It's tradition that we receive our gifts from the family, and then have our luncheon while they exchange their own presents," she had explained. Quite different from other households, but the Crawleys appreciated their employees and wanted them to be able to celebrate too.

The servants stood in somewhat of a line as they were called up to receive their gifts. John Bates was relieved that they didn't have to stand in order of rank, because it meant that he got to stand next to Anna rather than Miss O'Brien. While he thought that maybe the staff was finally warming up to him, he felt that the lady's maid and her partner in crime, Thomas, never would.

Anna was the staff member that he was closest to, and the one that he could definitely call a friend. While Mrs Hughes had been the one to help him with his "fixing himself" incident, she still was very much his superior, even if a housekeeper didn't oversee a valet. Anna, though, was the one who set him at ease and made him feel more like he belonged at Downton Abbey. _Loyal, kind, sweet Anna._

He watched her be called up and receive a bolt of cloth from her ladyship. Lady Mary smiled and wished her a happy Christmas. He was too busy watching that he almost didn't hear his own name called. Lord Grantham beckoned him over and gave him a few articles of clothing from his own wardrobe—convenient that the men were about the same height—and also a nice leather bound book.

Christmas Luncheon came and went, and John noticed that the servants did not seem to exchange gifts among themselves. Maybe they did so in private. But John assumed that many probably did not want to spend money on others, instead sending every penny home. He'd send his mother some but he knew she was too proud to take it from him. Vera crossed his mind for a brief second, but he shook all thoughts of her away.

He caught himself watching Anna again. He knew in passing that she didn't have many family members herself, but it seemed to be something she didn't really like to talk about. She joyous today, grinning and laughing with Gwen as William struck up a tune on the piano.

He half wondered if he should have gotten her something small, as token of their friendship. But then the thought of Vera crept back; he couldn't very well take up with Anna, for various reasons...

And besides, Anna didn't give him anything. He shouldn't mistake her kindness for anything more, she was kind to everyone. She was just a really good friend, and that's how things were going to stay.

...

New Year's brought more Downton traditions. On the eve, the staff gathered a midnight and all had a glass of wine. Typically, only Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes ever drank at dinner, with Mrs Patmore imbibing from time to time.

At midnight, John simply sat the glass down, hoping no one would notice that he didn't drink any of it. He glanced at Anna, and saw that she had only taken a sip of hers and then discarded it as well. He highly doubted that she didn't finish her wine for the same reasons as him. He had managed to avoid being presented with drink since he got here. While he was no longer tempted to consume it, he did not want to have to turn it down in front of anyone, afraid of having to explain himself. He did not want to reveal his drunkard past, not when he was finally gaining Mr Carson's trust and respect. And while Anna claimed she wouldn't care, he knew that she certainly would.

Everyone cheered in the New Year, excited. Anna caught John's eye and smiled. She wasn't sure what he was thinking, but noticed he kept glancing at her.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Just happy that I have made it into the new year. And that I'm still here." He gave her a half smile.

"I daresay that I'm happy you're still here too." She beamed.

The week after New Year's was the servants' ball, a dance held at Downton Abbey where the family and staff mingled together. Lord Grantham asked John if he was up for it, as the earl's valet was supposed to dance the first dance with her ladyship. However, he told his comrade that his leg felt too bad and that it was best they didn't try it. He didn't tell him that he would never dance at any of these, as it was too painful to manage dancing without looking like a fool. Limping across the floor would be too ungraceful. And the fear of his leg seizing while dancing with the countess was too great. If he dropped her, then that would be for sure the end of his days there this time. Besides, he wasn't all that great of a dancer even before his injury…

He sat off to the side, as the others twirled around the great hall turned ballroom. He watched Anna, smiling, dance with William, giving him a tinge of jealously. She headed over after the song finished, face flushed.

"Are you doing alright, Mr Bates? I'm so sorry you have to sit out."

"It's no problem. Gives me an excuse."

She sat down in the chair next to him. "I'm not very good myself," she replied, "You saw me out there."

"I thought you did splendidly."

She smirked but then looked down. It was hard to tell if she was blushing with her face already redder than usual.

They sat together for awhile, until Mr Crawley asked Anna to dance. John watched her intently. She had been too hard on herself, she danced just fine. Very fine indeed.

* * *

 **1913**

It was evening, and just John and Anna were left in the servants' hall. Neither had been called yet to attend to their respective family members. The clock ticked loudly in the silence between.

Finally Anna reached underneath the dress she was mending and produced a package. She took a deep breath, getting his attention. "Happy Christmas, Mr Bates."

He began to take the package from her, but then stopped. Her heart stopped along with him. He was refusing this, just has he refused her declaration of love. She had wanted to get him something regardless, though. Even if he couldn't admit his feelings for her, he was still her closest friend.

"Wait here one moment, I have something for you too." John got up from the table and walked as quickly as his leg would allow him, out of the room towards the stairs. After a few minutes, he returned with his own package in hand. "Happy Christmas, Anna."

Opening the gifts, they saw that they both had gotten each other books, and both had managed not to get the one that the other had read before.

"Thank you so much," she said grinning from ear to ear.

"And thank you," he said returning the smile. It was the least he could do. Even though he could not voice his affections properly, he could still show that he cared, even if it was just a gift on Christmas. He enjoyed seeing her face light up, but he knew deep down, that at some point he was going to have to give her up. She deserved better than him, and with no idea where Vera was, he could not promise her anything more.

...

"Anna, please, go dance," John implored.

"Why? We both know that he should be dancing with Daisy."

He watched William's retreating back head towards the kitchen maid, and then swiftly turn towards Gwen instead. "He can't dance every dance with Daisy, though."

"Well I can't have you sitting here alone all evening." Truthfully, Anna wildly preferred to sit there with him.

"Don't sacrifice your fun by sitting here with me." He lowered his voice, "I'm fine watching you dance, you know."

She gave him a look. "I don't suppose I could convince you to attempt. You could just sway."

"I daren't."

It would be an opportunity to hold Anna in his arms. But she wanted more than that, and more than he could offer.

* * *

 **1914**

"Thought I'd find you down here."

Anna looked up from her book. "I've been waiting for you, actually. We haven't exchanged gifts yet."

John looked around, checking to see if they were alone. He'd suggest going into the courtyard, in order to insure that, but it was too cold. "No we haven't." He half smiled and sat next to her, with an odd shaped package in hand. "It's not much, but…"

She grinned and traded presents with him. His gift to her yielded various sewing supplies—a new set of hand needles, a pincushion, a thimble. She found this amusing because her gift to him was a set of handkerchiefs she embroidered herself. She had kept it simple with just his initials, but hoped it wasn't too forward. Their relationship was still undefined. They were close friends, but they also were beyond that. They had almost kissed that fateful night in May, almost a year after Anna's initial confession. That had not been attempted again; both a bit afraid to try to go that far, but there had been the occasional tactile moments over the last few months. Anna lightly touched his arm when she admitted that she was happy he wouldn't have to go to war on account of his leg; John had patted her on the shoulder when she learned that a childhood friend had passed.

They thanked each other warmly and politely, but then he reached out and gently took her hand in his, thumb running over her fingers. She began to return the gesture, but then he suddenly let go and turned away. Anna thought maybe he heard Thomas or Miss O'Brien approaching, but there was no one. She sighed, she didn't care that he heard the sound escape her. At least let her have this.

The war had cast pallor over the year's festivities. The servants' ball was not held and everyone was feeling anxious as they ushered in the New Year.

* * *

 **1915**

Festivities were still stifled the next year, the war still raging on. Most of the staff sat quietly through luncheon, wondering if this would be the last Christmas they were all together. Even though William's father wouldn't let in enlist, he could be called up any day now.

The day in the courtyard was too brisk, but they had agreed to meet at the bench outside. Trying not to shiver, Anna opened her gift from him—a leather bound copy of Jane Austen's _Persuasion_ and _Northanger Abbey_.

"Another book, I'm afraid," John commented, degrading his own choice of present for her.

"Oh no, I love Austen, and I love having my own copies or books, means I can reread them as often as I like. And this is such a lovely edition…" she ran her fingers down the cover.

He opened the small and long box she gave him. A very nice pen, and more expensive that he deserved.

"I've seen you wear your pencils down to nubs so." She smiled.

"It's too nice, thank you."

She leaned close to him, her voice low. "And thank you." Her lips brushed his cheek.

He was stunned at first, surprised that this type of affection had finally occurred. But before he could react, she had pulled away. She did take his hands hers though, grasping them with a gentle squeeze. It was best to leave it at that, however. Over and over again he had thought about trying to seek out Vera, but he wasn't even sure where to begin.

And Anna…. She deserved much better than this. Or so he thought.


	2. Chapter 2: 1916-1919

**Chapter 2: 1916-1919**

Disclaimer: I don't own _Downton Abbey_.

* * *

 **1916**

Anna sighed as she settled down into the seat next to Mrs Hughes. A month ago, this was not how she was expecting her Christmas – surrounded by people, but feeling alone. She was quite glad that Lord Grantham had not managed to find a new valet yet and that she did not to have someone she did not know sandwiched between her and her the housekeeper, in the spot that supposed to be her fiancé's.

Except that he wasn't her fiancé was only for that fleeting week, that week when they sat down at this very table and discussed their future together.

Anna wished that a hole would open up and swallow her. Instead, she angrily stabbed her meat on her plate. She always put up a brave front, but today she wasn't sure if she could handle herself.

"Anna, are you all right?" Mrs Hughes asked, knowing that she wasn't, but wanting to call attention to her breaking façade.

She sighed again. "I'm fine," she lied.

Across the table, Miss O'Brien rolled her eyes. Of the staff, only Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson had been formally informed of their engagement, but she was certain the rest had caught on. Ethel knew too, after that night in which the crying girls had comforted each other.

"I'm sure with the war and everything, she's—well Christmas is not quite the same," William piped up.

"Indeed," Mr Carson said definitely. He gazed wearily at Anna. William was sure to change the subject into how he wanted to ship off like the other boys. It was a conversation he'd normally squash, tired of hearing it, and not wanting the lad to go face dangers. But it would take the unwelcome attention off of poor Anna.

He and Mrs Hughes had wrestled with the decision to tell her what exactly the latter had overheard in her sitting room that day, and had chose not to. Mr Carson was regretting that as he watched Anna continue to stab at her chicken and push her peas all around her plate.

...

It was late evening, and most of the staff had finally hopped off to bed. Anna sat in the servants' hall, doing some mending. Working helped take matters off of her mind.

"I'm going up," Ethel announced, gathering her magazines from the table, "You coming?"

"Go on ahead, I want to finish this."

"But it's Christmas, Anna." The redhead looked quizzically at her roommate and then left the room.

"Anna, why don't you come into my sitting room, you can finish it there, it's just me and you up now." Mrs Hughes had appeared suddenly in the doorway.

Anna started to protest, but the older woman's eye had a look that told her not to dare. So she followed her back to the room.

The women sat down, and Anna returned to her work in silence. Finally Mrs Hughes cleared his throat.

"Anna, I know that this is a sore subject, but it's best you hear it."

She looked up. "I know my behavior hasn't been… well the best lately, but I—"

Mrs Hughes waved her hand. "No, no, you behavior is completely understandable after all that happened."

Anna eyes flicked down, missing the housekeeper's expression. There was a struggle to tell the whole truth, as Mr Carson thought it was best Anna didn't know it. So she chose her words carefully. "I don't think he really want to leave, you know. Mr Bates that is. I think his wife forced him to go with her."

Anna nodded sadly, trying not let the moisture in her eyes escape.

"I think he was… trying to do the most honorable thing."

"I knew he was being gallant." The tears that had pooled in her eyes were beginning to roll down her cheeks. "I'm sorry." She went to rub her face with her sleeves, but Mrs Hughes handed her a handkerchief. "Thank you."

"No need, dear." Mrs Hughes paused "I'm not sure if this makes you feel any better…"

"No, no, I just—" her voice lowered, "I just wish he told me what was going on."

Mrs Hughes stiffened but then softly said, "So you could talk him out of it?"

"I tried to, but he was trying to make himself out to be the villain in all this. When it's the opposite. It's always the opposite."

"I believe… he sacrificed himself for what he truly cares about."

Anna nodded. She knew that John Bates still loved her. And maybe if she wished hard enough, maybe one day they'd be together again.

 _London_

John Bates fiddled with the book he had purchased two days ago. He had wanted to wrap it and sent it to Downton, but that was a stupid and silly idea. Even if he managed to post it, it would be opening old wounds that he was hoping were already healing. Anna did not need him. She needed to find someone that was deserving of her love. He was not that man, as much as he wished he was.

Yet, he had bought her a Christmas present. Another book, but she loved reading almost as much as he did. But he did not think about how he'd get it to her. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He hadn't bought Vera anything. In fact, she wasn't even here that night. She was off getting drunk in a pub. She forced him back here, but she did not want to play house. She just didn't want him to be happy. He could just up and leave, go back to Downton, go back to Anna, but that still wouldn't solve his issues. Vera refused to divorce him, and as soon as he did leave, he was sure he'd find Anna and Lady Mary's names smeared in the paper.

He sighed and placed the book on the self with his mother's collection. Oh how he wished she was here to advise him. The book was too new looking and stuck out like a sore thumb. Vera probably wouldn't have noticed, though, he thought, and left it there. Maybe one day he could hand it to Anna personally.

* * *

 **1917**

The bell jingled on the door to the Red Lion pub. There were a number of customers there for Christmas Eve, much to Anna's chagrin. She was hoping that they could be somewhat alone like they were on her first visit there.

She had visited a second time as well, but Mr Bates did not have much of a chance to talk, even though they had planned it. She was just happy seeing him again, but it had not been enough.

But it was never going to be enough. Anna wanted him back at Downton. She wanted the divorce to finalize. She wanted to marry him, and have their own little cottage, and then one day they could watch their little ones opening their stockings by the tree…

John saw her as she entered. "I'll be right there with you, miss!" he called with a wink. He finished with his current customer and disappeared from the bar.

Anna wondered if she should sit down, as she awkwardly was positioned by the door, but luckily he reappeared and ushered her over to a table in a not so crowded area of the pub.

He had a package in his hand. He held it out to her after they were seated. "Happy Christmas, Anna."

She took the present from him, but set it on the table. "I've got something for you too." She opened her handbag and produced a small box. "Open it," she urged him.

"You first, I handed my first."

Anna smiled and obliged. "Ooo, I've been wanting to read this, thank you." She grinned as she opened the book. At the top of the title page it read "To my darling Anna" in his handwriting.

"I've had that for awhile, I'll admit. I didn't have the right time to give it you until now."

She beamed. "Open yours now," she lightly commanded.

He tore off the paper and opened the box. Cuff links. And these were not inexpensive either. His eyes widened.

"I always get you books, so I decided to be different. Did I do all right?"

"Anna—these—" Lord Grantham paid well, and Anna received a salary higher than most other servants elsewhere, but still, she must have saved up for these. "They are lovely, you shouldn't have," he managed. Too much rebuking and she'll feel bad. And he can't have that.

"Yes I should have." She smiled coyly. "This is our first Christmas as an engaged couple, you know."

Her smile was too infectious; he gave her one in turn. "Honestly, thank you." He reached for her hand across the table. "If everything goes right, then maybe, just maybe, we can spend next Christmas properly together."

"As husband and wife," Anna finished.

Sadness filled his heart as he saw her off that day, not wanting her to leave. Luckily, it was her last visit to the pub, he soon returned to Downton in the next month.

* * *

 **1918**

They weren't quite man and wife yet, but at least they could enjoy this Christmas together as a couple, albeit still just engaged. This Christmas was also more celebratory due to the end of the war.

However, there were some gloomy shadows still cast over the festivities. Anytime William was mentioned, everyone suddenly felt sad, remembering their fallen coworker and friend. Daisy was temperamental the whole time. Mr Matthew was alive, but unable to walk. The war had taken its toll on the house's inhabitants.

Even more, John was very still very worried about the dealings with his late wife. While he was told Vera had committed suicide, he had not received an official death certificate yet. Once that was issued, he could finally take out a marriage license for him and Anna. This whole process was taking so long, and now even in death, Vera was still managed to slow it down.

The staff from Crawley House dined with them at Christmas Luncheon. Mr Molesley was seated next to Thomas, who was still decked out in his acting sergeant's uniform, as he oversaw the handful of remaining soldiers in the house.

"So have you two set a date yet?" the younger butler asked.

"No, not yet," replied Anna. "Some things still need settling."

Mr Molesley nodded, and she smiled, but then returned to her food. If she had her way, she just planned to be wed as soon as all the paper work was handled. When exactly that was, she was unsure.

"Well, maybe they ought to wait until the first Mrs Bates has been in the ground for awhile," Miss O'Brien said with a sneer.

John narrowed his eyes, and Mr Carson spoke before Anna had the chance to. "Miss O'Brien, let's have none of that now."

Thomas smirked but remained silent.

Jane returned to the originally topic of conversation, "It's not too early to start thinking about your dress, though, Anna."

"I suppose not," the blonde replied, with a half smile at the other maid. But Anna did wonder if it was.

...

Anna returned from undressing Lady Mary before John returned from tending to Lord Grantham and Mr Crawley. They still hadn't exchanged their gifts to each other yet, and this would have been a good time to do so. She placed the box on her lap instead of the table in case Miss O'Brien and Thomas returned from their smoke break early.

"Hello, Anna," Mrs Hughes said, sitting one seat over from her. Anna realized she was going to have to leave now once John came down in order to have some privacy. Still, she smiled.

"I was thinking about Jane said, and if you have a design picked out, I'll gladly help you with the wedding dress."

"Oh, that's kind of you Mrs Hughes, but I'm not sure when exactly I'll need it."

The older woman gave her a bit of an exasperated look. "You two have waited long enough, you know."

"Miss O'Brien's right though, it would be a little too tactless to be married so soon after Vera's death." Anna didn't actually agree with what she was saying, but she knew her fiancé did to a degree.

"I meant in general, dear. You've been engaged for about two years."

"More or less," Anna sighed. "I suppose you are right. That said, I don't need a grand wedding. Just something simple is fine by me. "

"Well, you are going to make a lovely bride regardless," Mrs. Hughes assured her. "And thus, I think that you should start making some plans."

Mrs Hughes looked up and saw Mr Bates standing in the doorway. "Well, I'll release her to you," she said to him, as she stood up. "I better go find Mr Carson and see what the plan is regarding the servants' ball. Seems that her ladyship would like an abbreviated version of it, since we still have some soldiers here, whereas Lord Grantham would prefer we turn it more into a party on account of Mr Crawley's condition."

"So the tradition is back on in some form then?" John asked as she passed him.

"Looks like it," the housekeeper said and bid them goodnight.

He sat down and scooted a package to her. "The best present I could give you right now would be a marriage license, but this will have to suffice."

Opening the box, Anna found a tortoiseshell hair comb. "Ooo, it's beautiful, thank you! I can wear it to that party or ball or whatever we are having." She fingered it delicately and then placed her gift in front of him. "Your turn."

John opened the box to reveal a silk necktie. Again, Anna had gone for a more expensive present.

"Thank you, it's wonderful."

She beamed, and leaned in to kiss him.

"What about Thomas and Miss O'Brien?"

She laughed and pressed her lips against his.

...

Lord Grantham had gotten his way, and instead of the old tradition of the servants' ball, they hosted a party were the remaining soldiers could mingle with the family and staff. Music played, but there was no dancing out of respect for Mr Matthew and the other wounded who could not do so. This pleased John, an injured veteran of a different war. In the past, it was nice to see Anna so happy, but he was glad that he wouldn't have to turn her down when she offered to just sway with him, and glad wouldn't be jealous if someone able bodied asked to her to dance.

Bates simply wore his normal work suit, with his new tie, but Anna had put on a pretty blue dress he hadn't seen her wear before. "It's Lady Mary's," she had told him, "I had to take it up a bit, but she said I could have it." The hair comb he gave her was set firmly in her hair, which she had pulled into a lower bun like she did when she left the house. Typically with that she'd have a hat on, so this was refreshing. In his, perhaps extremely biased, opinion, she easily outshone the Crawley girls by far.

He decided to steer clear of Lord Grantham that night, as it would have been the first time in awhile his lordship would be together with Anna and him at the same time, and he was not sure he could handle being asked about if they were discussing their own wedding preparations. It was often the conversation topic in the dressing room, but he didn't need it broached now. His lawyer had told him soon, and that's when things would finally be settled and they could move on and forward.

But it wasn't Lord Grantham who Bates had to worry about.

"Anna, I was thinking about it, and I was wondering if you'd like me to be the one to escort you down the aisle, with your father gone and all, unless you have some other male relative—"

"Oh Mr. Carson, I'd be honored, thank you!"

"The pleasure is mine." Carson smiled triumphantly.

When the butler left, Anna turned to her fiancé. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just worried, that's all."

"I think you're worrying about being happy again. Don't be. I told you to get used to this." She took his hand and squeezed it. "We've been making strides finally, and soon we'll reach our goal."

He squeezed her hand back. "I sure hope so."

* * *

 **1919**

"I'm so sorry that they won't let me visit on Christmas Day," she said, trying to keep her voice even. "But I do have something for you." She opened her handbag and placed the object on the table. The guard looked down at it, nodded, and she continued to scoot it to him. She was just lucky that they were able to have this visitation time as one on one and not with the other inmates.

He picked it up. It was a photograph of Anna affixed to a card. He had wanted a picture of her for so long. He gave her a half smile. "Thank you. I'm afraid I have nothing to give you in return."

"Never mind that. Soon we'll get you out of here and everything. And that'll be the best gift."

"Anna…" he trailed off. She was trying so hard to be hopeful. But he wasn't able to feel the same. So he changed the subject. "Please try and have some fun on Christmas, for both of us."

She nodded, blinking back tears in her eyes. "I'll try."

...

She had lied to him, though. She had already made up her mind that she was going take a tray up for Christmas Luncheon and would spend the day in her room until she was needed for the family's dinner. She had managed to make it through presents, and was ever so grateful to Lady Mary for giving her a golden heart pin.

When she went into the kitchen to collect her meal, Mrs Patmore sighed sadly. "Mrs Hughes said you'd like a tray made up... are you sure...?"

Anna nodded, helping the cook by placing the utensils and a glass onto the tray, "Best I don't put a damper on things."

"It will all work out, I can feel it in my bones." Mrs Patmore loaded food onto the plate for her.

"Thank you." She was grateful that the staff was so supportive, but she also was tired of being reminded that her husband's life was in the balance.

Luckily, Daisy was in a bit of a mood and didn't comment.

Anna went up to her room in the attic, happy she didn't share with anyone. Jane hadn't been replaced yet, and Mrs Hughes had felt that since Anna was a married woman now, she didn't need a roommate anyway. She knew that Mrs Hughes had meant well with that remark, but it was a sore reminder of who should really be her roommate, in a cottage off somewhere on the estate…

She placed the tray on her vanity table, knowing that if she ate in bed, it would only remind her of the time he brought her up a tray when she was ill. Too late. Tear drops fell into her mashed potatoes. She should have just asked Mrs Patmore for semolina.

Anna slowly went downstairs, hoping that everyone was done eating and she could put up her dishes in peace. She dropped off the plate and utensils in the kitchen, but as she approached the servants' hall, she heard Miss Shore say in a gossipy tone, "Is Mr Bates the one Lady Rosamund told me about? The murderer?"

Mr Carson was quick to correct her. "Mr Bates has most unjustly been accused of murder. That is all."

"'All'? I should think that's quite enough for most people."

Mrs Hughes' eyes grew large as she saw Anna in the doorway. The room fell silent.

"Did you have everything you wanted?" Her tone was sweet, and clearly hoping that the younger women had not heard that last comment.

Anna answered kindly in turn, with all the strength she could muster. "Yes, thank you. I thought I'd go and make a start on the dining room." She faked a smile. _What she wanted most was her husband home._

The housekeeper nodded and then addressed the others. "It's almost time to take the tea up. No rest for the wicked."

Anna did not wait to hear if there was a further reply and instead launched herself upstairs, throwing herself into her work, the only way she could truly cope.

 **A/N:** The last bit with Anna returning with the tray is from a deleted scene (as seen in the script book, plus we have a still of it and also some footage from Behind the Drama). **  
**


	3. Chapter 3: 1920-1923

**Chapter 3: 1920-1923**

Disclaimer: I don't own _Downton Abbey_.

 **Trigger Warnings:** Fleeting references to sexual assault.

* * *

 **1920**

Anna Bates rolled over onto her other side, yawning. It was so nice wake up when one wanted, not a common treat for her. She then realized that her husband was absent from the bed.

She panicked for a moment, and then heard a noise coming from below. Sounded like he was in the cottage's small kitchen. It wasn't much, but it was theirs. A smile grew on her face. She quickly fetched her dressing gown and wrapped it around her naked form, which shivered with the cold as she left their warm bed. Leaving the room, she noted that the clothing that had been strewn about the floor was now carefully folded on the chair.

"Good morning," she said as entered the kitchen, her grin becoming even wider at the scene she found.

"Happy Christmas, Anna," John replied. He was dressed in his own robe, and stood in front of the stove flipping a piece of bacon over.

"Happy Christmas indeed." She wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, burying her face on his back.

"I have been imagining this Christmas for some time now," he said, placing the food onto two plates.

"As have I." The tea kettle whistled and Anna released him to tend it to. "It certainly has been a long time coming."

They settled down at the table, beaming at the fact that this was the first Christmas together _properly_. It gave them both a warm, bright feeling.

Anna noticed a small package at her place. "Are we doing gifts now?"

"I thought perhaps we'd do it this morning before we head to the house, instead of in the evening, like we tend to do."

"I'll need to go get your present, it's hidden in my undergarment drawer."

John raised his eyebrows with a grin on his face. "Another garter?"

She swatted his arm. "No silly. Now let me go get it."

"Hurry back though. I'm no Mrs Patmore, but don't let your food get cold."

She returned and handed him his gift. "Let's open them at the same time."

He nodded and waited for her to take hers in hand.

"One, two, three!"

They tore open the paper. Anna had bought John a new pocket watch, and he had gotten her a golden necklace with a heart pedant.

"This is stunning!" Her eyes lit up.

"Likewise, my darling, thank you." He leaned over to her and they kissed.

After pulling apart, she said, her heart full, "I'm so happy you're here, it just makes everything so wonderful. This really is the best Christmas, thank you."

"I should be thanking you, I wouldn't be here were it not for you." He squeezed her hand, in full admiration of his lovely wife, greater than what he felt he deserved. But It was something he now gladly accepted.

* * *

 **1921**

Christmas that year was a somber one. No grand tree, no party with the tenants - a tradition that Mr Matthew had started - no servants' ball. **  
**

"It's a good thing Master George won't remember his first Christmas," Anna said sadly, handing John a cup of cocoa as they sat around their own small tree in the cottage.

"It's probably for the best he doesn't remember any of this," he replied.

Anna sat down on the sofa, blowing on her chocolate before responding. "I don't blame Lady Mary though. It's just still such a terrible business..."

John reached over and put his hand on her knee.

"It's just that I feel so bad for her, for them, and there's not much that I can do about it."

"She knows that you are there for her. Your compassion is always a great credit." He smiled a little.

"I can't help but feel some guilt... that said, I am so grateful though for what I do have." She joined her hand with his.

"And I the same." He set his his mug down on the small end table, and then rose from the chair to join her on the sofa. She snuggled close to him as he settled down. "And you know what Victor Hugo said."

She turned her face to look at him. "You know that I ended up just skimming _Les Misérables,_ I didn't need to learn about the Parisian sewer system." That, and the prison plight of Jean Valjean hit too close to home in her opinion.

"'Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.'"

"Oh, that is lovely though." She nuzzled her head back into his shoulder, and sighed, contented in this moment, not knowing how much words such has that would resonate with her later.

* * *

 **1922**

The year was finally drawing near, and Anna was even more determined to put it behind her. At least the most that she could. The house was more joyous this time, and it was enough to be infectious.

She could tell that John picked up on her mood. He wouldn't necessarily verbalize that he was proud of her improvements, but she feel his unwavering support in a way that was almost tangible. Perhaps everything would be all right, as little by little she moved forward.

The tenant party was back on, Lady Mary herself insisting on it. Anna stayed close to her husband, not because she felt like she needed the protection but because she preferred his company to that of the others. She was happy to hear his voice singing the carols merrily along with hers, and he reached over and squeezed her hand a few times.

He waited for her on the gallery as they finished up getting their respective employers ready for bed after the party. She beamed at him as they then bundled up and journeyed home.

As they made it into their small foyer, John helped her off with her coat. As she went to remove his turn she did something he didn't expect.

She kissed him. Hard.

This wasn't the first time that they had kissed since that horrible night. But there there was such an intense passion and desire there that would have always beckoned for me more in the past. Not that they hadn't attempted in over the last few months, but in those instances he could tell that she was growing too uncomfortable spite her efforts not to be, and she was too hard on herself no matter how many times he told her there was no rush.

As they broke apart, he looked down into her eyes, to see if he was correct in her meaning.

"I want to try," she said softly. Her voice almost wavered, but she maintained eye contact.

"Only if you are sure." He intertwined his fingers with hers.

She nodded. "I am. I want _this_. I want _you_." _In that way._

"We'll go slow. And if ever you want to stop, just say so."

"You are too wonderful, you know," she said, her words layered with meaning, her hands now pressed against she chest.

"Not as wonderful as you," he replied, as he gentle cupped her face.

Anna leaned upward to catch his lips once more, the familiar heat back again. Her fingers then found his tie. "I do think though, Mr Bates, that you are wearing entirely too much clothing for the occasion."

* * *

 **1923**

The brightness from the summer holidays had followed them into the months after, but the week before Christmas, Anna was growing frustrated. She had managed to snag one of her sheer sleeves on her newer lady's maid dress that she bought in London during the season. The run in it was too great to repair, so she'd have to replace the sleeves entirely and she wasn't in the mood. John joked that he'd buy her another one for Christmas, but she just was mad at herself for not being careful enough in the first place.

Then her monthly arrived. Not that she wasn't really expecting it not too, but she just was _hoping_ it wouldn't come. Still, it put her in a foul mood, which was not fitting when she was trying to be jolly.

Now Lady Mary was keeping her very late. All Anna wanted to do now was curl up in bed next to John, and her ladyship prattled though several topics before she glanced at the clock and sent her lady's maid on her way.

Anna trudged downstairs and saw her husband waiting for her, already in his overcoat and hat.

"I'm so sorry," she rushed to grab her things, "But Lady Mary was going on and on-"

"It's perfectly all right," he said with a smile, handing her her own hat. His gloves seemed cold to the touch and they hadn't even been outside yet.

They made their way home, and as the approached the cottage, Anna could see from the windows that there was something glowing inside. She looked quizzically at John, who couldn't hide his grin from her. She quickened her pace just a little, and was a little impatient as she waited for him to unlock the door.

There were a dozens of candles lit all over their sitting room, including those in the holders on their small tree. They didn't tend to light those except maybe on Christmas, and Anna had been wishing the cottage had electricity (although not just for this reason) so that they could have the same electric lights they had at the Abbey. But the room was illuminated in a beautiful, soft glow.

She spun back around to John, a grin of amazed on her face. "You sneaked over here to do this, didn't you? And then came back to walk me home." She had begun to figure it out.

"Or maybe it was Father Christmas," he said bemused.

"A few days too early?" Anna giggled and then walked back towards John, them embracing as she closed the space between us. "And I assume Lady Mary was in on it. Which reminds me of a very special night..." She tilted her chin up and their lip met to kiss.

"Thank you," she said, as the pulled apart, them both knowing that whenever they said that to each other, it meant so much more.


	4. Chapter 4: 1924-1926

**Chapter 4: 1924-1926**

Disclaimer: I don't own _Downton Abbey_.

 **Trigger warnings:** Mentions of miscarriage.

* * *

 **1924**

Anna had thought that she had already had her share of miserable Christmases. Perhaps though, this was the worse. She hadn't seen or had contact with her husband for months now, and everyone was keeping some sort of secret from her. She was no longer held in a cell, but she was still lonely as ever, the empty cottage a searing pain of reminder what her husband was willing to sacrifice for her.

And she was stuck in Downton, she couldn't go off to wherever he had ran to. He had some relatives still in both Ireland and Scotland, but Ireland was perhaps the safest option. She had the addresses somewhere - what happened to that proactive Anna would wrote to everyone in Vera's book?

John had commented to her about how strong she was, but she knew he was just saying that to make her feel better. She felt even more helpless now.

She had tried to get back into the swing of things just as she had told Lady Mary. But something happened on her second night back, something that she hadn't figured out what it was until she was in the midst of it. Another secret now to keep. She didn't think she could bear to tell John whenever she saw him again. Whenever that was. She had felt well enough to keep going to work. Physically anyway – emotionally, her soul was crushed even further. She tried not to dwell on it, maybe she was wrong about it… it would have been such early days if she was correct...

Time had blurred, the weeks in jail and now the tedious months without John all melded into one. December had magically began. Anna didn't even fathom getting a small tree for the cottage, nor put out her little Christmas trinkets.

Lady Mary and Mrs Hughes had all but demanded she go to the tenant party on Christmas Eve. She was dreading it – these things were only fun with John there anyway. But it was either that or stay at home trying not to cry.

Lord Grantham had had too much to drink and Anna grimaced as he excitedly waved his arms in front of her to go get some punch herself. She had thrown herself into trying to sing the carols but that hadn't been distraction enough.

Mrs Hughes lead her over to the side as they broke for more food and drink. "At least have a glass of water," the housekeeper said, handing her one.

Anna took it and muttered thanks.

"I know that there is nothing I can say to cheer you up, but..."

"It's quite all right Mrs Hughes."

"Just know that we are all thinking about you both."

 _As you often have to._ Anna knew she meant well, she always did, and she always had eternal gratitude. She just wished for once things could be... normal.

Miss Denker appeared. Anna could feel her insides cringe.

"Oh, glad to see you are back, Mrs Bates."

Anna half smiled at the other lady's maid, but before she could even attempt to say anything in thanks, Miss Denker had launched into some odd gossip about Mr Spratt, which she barely heard.

Luckily, the family called them all to attention. Eventually, it was decided that Lady Mary would sing "Silent Night." Her ladyship had such a beautiful voice that Anna couldn't help a small smile. At least she had a kind employer who kept her on after disaster after disaster.

She hung out in the back this time, close to the tables, and far away from the over rosy Lord Grantham. There was some cheers for Mr Branson, and then more carols.

 _What were the words to this part of "O Come All Ye Faithful"?_ Oh well, she mumbled along.

"Happy Christmas."

The voice behind her made her jump and whirl around. First in panic, and then realization. The voice was _John's_.

He gently shushed her before she could get a word out, and then reached out to cup her face. Her hands found him - he was real, he was really there. They both had the same idea, and headed away from the crowd and into the hallway. They stopped, their hands together.

"But, how did you-"

"Sssh. We'll worry about everything else later. But for now, let's just have a very happy Christmas."

She still had so many questions, but they could wait for now. Her Christmas would indeed be happy because he was here. She smiled real big, and they continued towards the staircase, hand in hand. John paused to hook his cane on the railing, and Anna took this opportunity to stand on her tippy toes to kiss him. It was short but sweet, as he then took her into his arms and lifted her up. Her own arms now wrapped around his shoulders, she grinned.

He set her back down gently, her hands sliding down to his chest.

"Your knee is going to hurt in the morning," she chided softly.

He just smiled and then planted a kiss on the crown of her head. Finally he said, "Let's go home."

Anna nodded, but then flicked her eyes back towards the door to the party. "What about-"

"Mrs Patmore saw me, she can tell the others. And don't worry about Lady Mary. Miss Baxter can help her."

She protested no longer and they gathered up their coats to make the trek back to the cottage in the cold.

She knew that this did not solve everything, but she was with John, and he was home. Which mean that she finally was actually home now too.

* * *

 **1925**

"Good morning." Anna felt John's lips against hers, waking her up. She mumbled and moved to snuggled against him, but discovered that he wasn't actually in bed, but rather sitting on top of it and already mostly dressed for the day, just missing his jacket.

"I'd let you continue to sleep, dear, but breakfast is ready and you've been insisting on going to the house today, and I believe they'll be expecting us at 11."

She pushed herself up into a sitting position, which was becoming harder to do each day. John had brought her a tray of food which handed to her, and then went to adjust the pillows behind her, his fussiness in full swing.

She smiled at the tray, but then stifled a yawn.

"The baby keep you up?" His tone was light but still with traces of worry.

She rubbed her expanded belly. "Just lots of kicking, the little one was very active." She wasn't one to complain to begin with, but she wasn't going to with all it took to get to this point.

He placed his hand on top of hers, hoping to have some sort of calming effect. "I just hope that when they arrive, I don't have trouble keeping up with them."

"I think you'll do just fine." Anna reassured him. "Perhaps he'll take to reading like his father anyway."

He grinned. "Maybe _she_ will."

Anna smirked.

"Also, I have your gift waiting for you downstairs. I unfortunately cannot bring it up, so you'll have to see it on your way down before we head out."

"Yours is hidden my drawer," she said between bites of toast.

"Are you sure? Because I think its right here," he replied, grinning and patting her stomach.

"This is a shared venture, I'd say. And it's not _quite_ here yet. But soon it will be." She beamed, and paused for a second before pointing to her bureau with the remainder of her toast. "Go on now."

He got up and went over to it, opening the drawer and retrieving a bundle. She nodded at him to open it. He torn off the paper and found a hand knitted scarf.

"All this time I thought that you were knitting something for the baby."

"Well yes, but I made you something matching." She smiled.

"I hope you make yourself one so that we all match then." He beamed at her, grinning at the idea of his family all wearing similar scarves. "Thank you," he said, leaning over to give her a kiss.

Anna finished her meal and got ready for the day, with some help from John. Normally at this time of day, he'd be at the house helping Lord Grantham dress instead, but since Anna's due date was nearing, Mr Carson had been stepping in on many mornings. That kind of thing would typically bother John, being paid in full when not doing all of his assigned duties, but it was actually quite glad of it, since it allowed Anna more time to rest. He and Lady Mary had finally convinced her that it was time to take her leave, with Miss Baxter taking over her duties. Anna grew restless though, and he dreaded the thought of leaving her alone all day where there was no telephone. So she still came to work with him, where she was about to occupy her mind and worry less. Her anxiety had been fading more into anticipation the further she made it into this pregnancy, and now they were only about two weeks away from welcoming their precious child. **  
**

Once they were downstairs, he led her over to the sofa, helping lower her onto it. She thanked him as he pushed a large package across the floor to her, which he had hidden away behind the back of their small Christmas tree.

"This is certainly the biggest present you've given me," she said, gesturing to the box. "Well and this," she said, smiling and patting her swollen abdomen and recalling their earlier conversation.

He smiled back and sat down on the settee next to her. "Go ahead," he urged.

"A new sewing machine!" she all but squealed as she opened it. She had always admired Miss Baxter's electric one.

"You've been using Mother's for far too long, I thought it was time to get you something more modern. You'll have to use it at work though but..." _Well, work and then one day, perhaps in the hotel..._

"It's perfect, thank you!" She turned and threw her arms around him. "I'm going to make clothes for the baby," she stated triumphantly, "and they will be the best dressed baby in Downton."

He chuckled. "Don't let Lady Mary hear you say that."

"Well, I can use it to do her mending as well," she retorted, although knowing that he was referring to Master George.

Anna grinned as she looked at the contents of the box again, and his heart swelled, not just because of his pride as an expectant father, but in his wife's confidence. She was so radiant and happy now. And he was luckiest man in the world and so blessed to be with her.

"Thank you so much," she said, looking back at him.

"Really though, thank you. You've given me the greatest gift of all."

Before she could protest that the baby wasn't here yet, he continued, "You've given me a future."

She grew misty eyed as their hands joined.

"And yes, that includes a family. But... it's all things I didn't think I'd have until I came to Downton and met you. You taught me what love is."

Raising her chin up, she kissed him in response. "Before I met you I didn't think I'd ever have all this either. If you never came to Downton, I'd be an old maid in addition to a lady's maid. And after what happened... I'm so grateful each and every day to call you my husband."

He returned her kiss, reliving that fateful day in April 1912 in his mind, so long ago. seemed like ages. The path to the present had been quite the bumpy one, but they kept moving forward, which is all one can do. The past could not be changed, and it had brought them here.

She sniffled as they pulled back. "Well now. No matter how many times we call the baby a gift, I don't think he or she will fit in a stocking though." Her lighter banter was to keep the overwhelming feelings at bay, knowing they'd soon have to make to the trek to the Abbey, but their love really couldn't be contained.

"Well then, we'll just have to get a bigger stocking."

"Perhaps we'll sew ours together. I do have that sewing machine now."

* * *

 **1926**

The Bateses returned to their home, the tenant Christmas party at Downton Abbey leaving their hearts warm and full even in the chilly December air.

"You get him ready for bed, and I'll play Father Christmas," Anna said with a grin, passing the baby to John. William yawned and snuggled against his father's shoulder.

Anna went to fill Will's stocking and set out a special gift that they had chosen to give him for Christmas rather than his birthday. They had a few things set aside for him to open on the day that he turned one year old, and even though they knew he wouldn't remember this year, it was good to separate things out as a precedence. Both occasions deserved to be celebrated in their own right.

After she made sure that everything was perfect, she made her way to their son's room. John was just finishing getting Will into his pajamas.

"I was going to read to him, but he is already nodding off..." John gestured with a tilt of his head to the book on the dresser.

She glanced at the title and smiled. "Well, we can take him to our bed for a bit and you can at least read it to me."

They went into the next room over. Perhaps she ought to have changed into her own nightgown, but she did want to help put Will down for the night even if she also dozed off during the book. John of course would take no offense, she knew, as she ran her hand down to the small swell of her abdomen, kept hidden by her cream dress she wore to the party.

Anna climbed into the bed first, and then John passed Will to her. He the joined them, book in hand, and she positioned their little one so he was more between them. He was a little more alert than moments ago. John smoothed down the baby's hair, smiling. How wonderful everything was right now. How they had come through the past, and now the future was so bright. Anna caught his eye and smiled in return, her expression communicating the very same thoughts.

He opened the book and began to read:

 _'Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house_  
 _Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;_  
 _The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,_  
 _In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;_  
 _The children were nestled all snug in their beds,_  
 _While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads..._

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry for the extra angst in 1924 – in my headcanon have placed the retconned miscarriage to be after S5E7 so that her lines in that episode still fit (and the timeline of S5E8 into S5CS is very iffy so who knows how long she's in jail and how long he is away), but then this places it in a rather cruel place. That said, it also explains that John wasn't around when it happened and didn't notice anything off with her (I also headcanon that the 'maybe third' was a prior just late period).

1925 was written purposefully to fill in the holes of chapter three of my fic "Great Expectations" which also features Christmas of that year. The sewing machine idea was borrowed from another fic of mine, but now in a setting that works with the canon.

Similarly, I have written 1926 to work with my fic "O Come All Ye Faithful" which features Baby Bates' first Christmas Eve. It also more or less fits with "Christmas Presents" about his first Christmas morning, which I wrote in 2015. There is a conflict between the two fics on a certain subject (;) ) but the overall idea is that they all fit together as his first holiday season.


End file.
